Wednesday, July 28, 2010

The Name Game



As I mentioned last week,  we won't be finding out the sex of Baby FPK.  Now before you all start congratulating me on what a great decision I am making, there is probably something you should know.  If it were up to me, I'd find out.

Some may ask why I'm giving in so easily, and the thing is, I'm not.  I'm just picking my battles.

Before I start my story, and you all decide to give your undying support to my husband (much like the large Christmas tree debacle), just keep in mind that I am a sensitive woman...and a pregnant one at that!

Ever since we first got married I have known that Joe would like to name his first son Giuseppe.  Every since we first got married, Joe knew that I did not want a child named Giuseppe.  Giuseppe was Joe's grandfather's name and is the Italian form of Joseph.  Joseph has become sort of a family name in his family, so in Joe's mind, Giuseppe is the name in its purest form.  We do have to keep in mind that when Joe's grandfather moved to the US from Switzerland, he changed his name to Joseph!  

I guess one of my biggest issues is that the name is hard to say, spell, and people don't really know how to pronounce it.  When we tell others that its the Italian form of Joseph, their reply is usually, "Oh- Joeseppe!"  Nope!

A couple years ago I came up with a plan, a little deal, if you will.  Joe and I also hold differing opinions on finding out the gender of our baby.  I always knew that he did not want to know, but being the planner I am, it seemed like a necessity.  Because I feared losing both the gender and name battle, I proposed the deal- if I don't find out the sex of our children, I don't have to have a son named Giuseppe. 

And there you have it- the reason I will not find out the gender of my child.

 Some things to keep in mind before leaving your opinion:
1.  I am a sensitive pregnant woman with crazy emotions
2.We live in a small town in Michigan, we can't get away with names as crazy as celebrity children
3. I am a sensitive pregnant woman with crazy emotions

Ok- say what you want :)

63 comments:

  1. Sounds like an excellent compromise to me! I let my husband pick middle names so that I could pick first names, that worked well for us. Thankfully he wanted to find out the gender of our kids as much as I wanted to!

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  2. I think that's a reasonable compromise.

    That said, having been a pregnant woman, I also think pregnant women should get whatever they want. They're doing society the favor by reproducing it, the least society (and by society I mean the Men-folk) could do is give us everything we want in return. Including gender identification and all naming rights reserved.

    You are a brave, brave woman. Soldier on.

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  3. I think that is a great compromise! We have 4 kids and we knew the gender of #1 and didn't know with the rest, it is one of life's only true surprises and after not finding out with #2 I wish we would have waited with #1 as well. Enjoy your sweet little surprise!

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  4. Sounds like you got a win-win scenario. Waiting to find out, though it conflicts with all your desires to plan, is quite fun. My parents never found out with my little brother and sister, and the surprise was a blast. And to protect your poor little son from smirks and giggles while he's learning to write his name? Totally worth it. Like I say, win-win. :)

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  5. Whatever the reason, it's really exciting to not know ahead of time. And I feel you on the name thing, my husband loved the name Saoirse (Irish) in all it's vowel-ish glory for YEARS. I finally caved, but not until baby #3. His 6th, my 5th, our 3rd. Yikes. We live in a very urban area and it's still a complete MESS trying to tell people how to spell/say her name.

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  6. My husband made a deal that if our first child was a girl, I could name it and if it was a boy he could name it. THEN the next child regardless of the sex was the other persons turn to name them. Seemed like a good idea at the time, but now he has agreed to all the names I like. :D

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  7. Ok, all this worry about the boy name only means you are having a girl. :D

    In all seriousness... if in your heart you can't name your baby Guiseppe, then it is not meant to be. No offense to Joe. Joseph is a lovely name, however! If you don't leave Guiseppe for a middle name, maybe Joseph would work.

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  8. I say it is a fair deal, but I really like Giuseppe and don't think it is weird at all! But, as you are a sensitive pregnant woman with crazy emotions...whatever you say is right! And you look pretty!

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  9. Good call on the picking something easy to say and write front. My name was the most popular girls name of 1982, the year I was born yet at least one person per week pronounces it wrong. I used to think it was because my mom's name is Jean and people call her Jeannie, thus they thought I was named for her. Now as an adult I realize that people just do not actually read very well and unless it is spelled Jenny it will not be pronounced correctly. This has led to no end of frustration over the years since my legal name is Jennie, the Scandinavian spelling, not Jennifer and I will forever be called by my mothers name. Good luck with your choices!!

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  10. I totally agree with you. What you're giving up is temporary, what Joe is giving up is permanent! (Don't tell him that!!!)

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  11. My mom always says that finding out the gender is one of the last true surprises in life, so enjoy the excitement and anticipation!

    And FYI, I just saw this list of the fastest growing baby names (in popularity). Maybe some of these will inspire you.

    FASTEST-RISING GIRL'S NAMES
    1. Tenley
    2. Harper
    3. Everleigh
    4. Martina
    5. Sookie
    6. Navi
    7. Charlotte
    8. Eloise
    9. Lorelai
    10. Ursula
    11. Briella
    12. Kinley
    13. Tinsley
    14. Mhairi
    15. Leighton
    16. Maelle
    17. Ever
    18. Kinsley
    19. Lux
    20. Everly

    FASTEST-RISING BOY'S NAMES
    1. Castiel
    2. Bentley
    3. Eoin
    4. Easton
    5. Lucian
    6. Aarav
    7. Zion
    8. St. John
    9. Kaiden
    10. Sterling
    11. Callan
    12. Leland
    13. Harper
    14. Mikah
    15. Dashiell
    16. Eliah
    17. Dawson
    18. Kayden
    19. Lennon
    20. Dorian

    http://www.parentdish.com/2010/07/13/the-hottest-baby-names-of-2010/

    Congratulations!!

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  12. Brilliant woman. Pick your battles is right!

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  13. I just pestered mr. Husband until he realized I was finding out with or without him! AND we had the hardest time with names! We named our little man Reagan, and think it's perfect! But I also love the name Baron, and Eloria for a girl (Ellie) I'm just in love with that name!

    Good job with the compromising! But if you need to put your foot down, do it! You're in a delicate condition and your husband needs to realize you get whatever you want for 10 months, and he gets to pass out cigars or something afterwards.

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  14. I totally know about the NAME DEAL! I traded my cat custody to my husband to get the name Sam Hayden...good luck~Laura

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  15. Having been raised within a large Italian-American family with Uncles and Great Uncles with names such as Rocky, Tony, Big Tony, Paulie and Gianni, I have to say I like the name Giuseppe. However, knowing what I know now I would not name my child Giuseppe. I have three children who all have my husbands easily mispronounced last name. Every year when school starts there are mix ups, spelling errors and pronunciation errors that come from the teachers as they are learning student's names. My children are constantly teased and made fun of because of their last name. It is sad and difficult to explain to a first grader why he/she is singled out. My suggestion: Give the child Giuseppe as a nickname or find an Italian name which is easily shortened to and "American" sounding nickname. ie. My son Marco is Mark to all of his classmates and friends but is Marco with family. Good luck and congratulations.

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  16. Fabulous plan! I personally am back and forth on the idea of finding out or waiting. But I think you are doing it all fabulously!

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  17. I think you made a wise choice! I'm all for unusual names, but not sure that one is the way to start out a young man;s life. ;)

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  18. Me thinks you are a wise wise woman who will be happily married for many years to come.

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  19. while i think giuseppe is a wicked cool name (and not hard to pronounce), i think it's pretty important that you pick a name you both like. i mean, it's going to be both of yours.

    but i have the solution: if it's a boy - steven, a girl - stephanie.
    just saying.


    ps if you think italian names are hard to spell/pronounce, try irish names. mine is stiofain in irish! (and i think i'm missing an accent in there)

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  20. I am in full support of your compromise! You're smart to find a way to get around naming your son something you don't like, my husband has had his chosen names for all our children but he has yet to get to pick the name he wants...we have 2 daughters that I ultimately picked the names for and this last one (due in Oct) he gets to pick, BUT it has to be from an approved list... :)

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  21. Who cares about "fast-rising" names? Go with your heart and name your child something that you will love calling him/her all his/her life. I think you made a great compromise.

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  22. Sounds like a great compromise to me. My DH and I agreed on names pretty easily. However he tells everyone my son is named Clark after Clark Kent which he IS NOT!! Clark was my maiden name.

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  23. My husband always wanted to name his first son Roko (pronounced with long "o"s) after his great grandfather from Croatia who changed his name to Roy when he moved to the US. Call me crazy, but that sounded like a name that would get a kid picked on (big thing to think about!). Well, three years ago we found out we were having a boy and the first thing out of my husband's mouth was Roko. I went with it. We gave him two middle names, David and Teller, both fairly normal family names from my side. We thought if he didn't turn out to be a Roko, we (and he) had plenty of options. Turns out Roko is a rock star and it totally works for him. Use Giuseppe as a middle name.
    Sorry this is so long! But I totally understand what you're going through!

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  24. I think you made the right choice!! I've noticed that men tend to 'decide' on the name of their future children years in advance, and then get pretty insistent on the name when their time comes. A dear friend of mine battled it out with her husband for years over the name Maxwell (I actually kind of like Max, but my friend despised it). Fortunately, they had two girls. My friend thinks she willed her body into producing daughters just to avoid the name she hated.

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  25. I don't know why I feel the need to comment on this... but I do. I will be sensitive though - I completely get that and I have never had pregnancy hormones.

    First, I think Giuseppe is adorable. But it's not my baby. It is, however, your AND your husband's baby and I think a good compromise (not necessarily "you get this, I get this") is always good practice.

    All that said, we just adopted our third child - her birth mother wanted her name to be Xoxie. Long story short, I was like WHAT?? When she was born we chose a middle name for her that we intended to call her by and now? She is Xochi. Like I said, long story.... but we had been praying for her and this name for so long that when she was born it was just hers. I still don't necessarily LOVE it... but it is her and I love her. Your husband obviously feels very strongly about this name - and I think he has wonderful reasons. Perhaps try it on for a while... it might grow on you. ;-)

    Or maybe... it will be a girl and you can name her Gia. Or Josephine.

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  26. I'd have made the same deal. Good for you! (Is there some variation of Joseph you could agree on? James is a family name in my family, but there are so many of them I never would have used it. My older son is Jacob, which is the Greek form of James. Not planned, btw--I learned this after I named him!)

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  27. I'm with "M".

    I do think you reached an excellent compromise, but the suspense is going to kill me! I dont' know how you'll do it!

    Rachel May

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  28. ha! what a great deal. we havent decided whether to find out yet, we have about 4 weeks to decide. My sister in law didnt find out and the day of the birth was soooooo fun! we were all (immediate family members) there waiting and when the baby was born, her husband called us and told us they had a baby. so we walked down the hall and he came out, crying, and told us it was a boy and the name was joseph. and we all started crying! the surprise was so fun! and they also didnt tell the names they were thinking about, which was also fun!

    anyways, i think it is so fun to not find out! however, now that i am pregnant, i am not so sure i can wait 6 more months!

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  29. Ahhh, the first of many compromises and this was a great deal. I was set on my first daughter name, Charlotte for all of the Charles in my family so I leaned toward his family on the boy options. We did not find out and I was blessed with a Charlotte. I gave him the lead on the 2nd child, but I pointed him to Kathryn for his sister and my secret fav girl's name. He took it and we welcomed Kathryn "Katie" Marie 9 months later. The sister's is spelled different and she goes by Kathy - neither of our choices.

    Enjoy the moments for they fly by.

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  30. I think you made a good deal. I would have done the same. And, it might be fun to find out the gender the old fashioned way in the delivery room!

    Good luck and a happy pregnancy.

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  31. I made a similar bargain to avoid naming a child Giacomo. We had a girl called Grace :)
    Best of luck!

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  32. I think you made a great bargain, but I am of mixed feelings about unusual names, not surprisingly ;) I am forever spelling or pronouncing my name for people, so when picking names for my kids, I still wanted something fairly unusual but spellable/pronounceable. And irish, to go with our last name, so we wound up with Liam and Bridget. - and you wouldn't believe the number of people who don't understand Liam's name when he says it ("Leon?" or "William?" is often the response) or can't spell Bridget.

    In the end, pick what you like best, since you'll be saying (shouting) it a lot in your lifetime.

    And Giuseppe would make a great middle name to carry on the family tradition.

    As for finding out the gender of your baby before it's born, I wanted to find out (1) because I'm impatient and (2) because I didn't want to debate/argue over two sets of names with my husband if I didn't have to!

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  33. I just started reading your blog and love it. I also like your business. I'm thinking about one of my own. As for the baby name - when I was pregnant if we had a boy it would have been Joe the fourth and called "little butchie". I prayed for 8 months and we have a great daughter with a great name. It'll work out just fine.

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  34. If you think Giuseppe is bad, you need to meet my mother- Giuseppina! She shortens it to Giusi, and is alternately incorrectly called "Josie", "Goosey", or other variations.

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  35. Re: the fastest growing names...

    I wasn't necessarily suggesting that you go with one of them, but I thought they might be useful as inspiration, since they're unusual and uncommon, yet not too far "out there" that your child would stick out as having a wacko name.

    Another random thought... I am a woman with a male name, and while I have to admit that I didn't love that when I was a kid & I constantly wondered why my parents did that to me,but I really love it now, and I want to give my kids (whenever I have them) a unique - but not crazy - name too.

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  36. I love your plan and I agree that the name is a difficult one. My father's name is Jose in Portuguese and no one would ever pronounce it properly. So we went with Joseph for our oldest. I'm with you! :)

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  37. Great plan and compromise! I'm a planner too and this would make me crazy not to know - but I think it is well worth it in the end. Smart move you two! And congrats on your little one!

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  38. Could you compromise with Giuseppe for a middle name?? I agree with some of the other posts, that moment when they hold up your child and tell you "it's a ...." is priceless!

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  39. Take from me and of course myself being your sister-n-law..the reward is worth the wait.and you dont get many surprises in life..you will love that you waited..

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  40. I can totally understand you!
    We wanted to find out the gender of our baby, but she would not show anything and my gynae did not want to tell us. So we only found out in week 30.
    Then my husband decided that we will not tell anyone. That was the hardest part. Everyone was asking, and when I said we know but we don't tell, they asked for possible names. Luckily we had names for both genders. But after I told a friend both names, I found out that I was also not allowed to tell them. It was really hard. The funny part was that everyone guessed it's a boy, but now we have beautiful Elisabeth :-)

    As my name is Michaela, which is German and no one out of Germany can say properly, you do good to give your baby an international name. Even if they can say Guiseppe afeter some time, the writing will still be a problem.

    Enjoy your pregnancy and your mood swings... Its the only time your allowed to have them.

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  41. Well, I am a very sensitive woman now pre-menopausal woman with crazy emotions too and just wanted to say that I can relate...and your wonderful story of compromise made me smile.

    Good luck to not having your child forge the path of introducing a new wild name to Michigan!

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  42. Love the compromise!

    My husband and I are expecting our first in less than two months (!!), and we've chosen to wait. He got to pick the boy name, and I got the girl, but both have veto power.

    He fell in love with the name Amias (Ah-my-as). We've settled on it being the middle name, because that way it's not butchered all.the.time. The first name will be Peter if it's a boy.

    For a girl, I like Calista Jane, but he prefers Ophelia. I'm fairly certain that Calista will win, just because it's a little bit easier to say. :)

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  43. We've always disagreed about names. The first baby was a boy, and he desperately wanted to name him Gabriel. I HATED that name. But, I let him name him and it's worked for us. This is something you have to decide between the two of you. Is it something you hate enough that you are willing to truly disappoint him? If so, then stick to your guns. If not, give in. I truly believe that the name is way more important than whether or not you find out the baby's sex. You have to live with the name for life.

    However, just remember that you can call the baby anything you want! Also, would he (and you) consider it as a middle name?

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  44. Congratulations! We did not find out with our first as well. It really is a great surprise at the end, and we were guessing with the doc all the way up to the last push ;). Just buy lots of green and yellow, and EVERYONE you know will buy at least one outfit when your new loved one makes their great debut. Here is my list of names for my someday baby: Girl: Emmaline, Addison, Robin, Jayne, Marguerite, Rachel, Calista, Willa, Ashton, Esme. Boy: Silas, Rourke, Rhys, Malcolm, Avery, Alexander, and Callum.
    Also, an article to consider. I didn't think about the issue with my 1st because we weren't finding out and I am forever thankful that we had a girl. If you wish to delete the article and the last part of this post, feel free, it's not meant to spark debate or judge, merely inform :)
    http://mothering.com/health/the-case-against-circumcision

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  45. Our children were not named until they were at least five days old because we couldn't agree. I wanted super Italian names for my boys too -- I loved Rocco, Angelo, Bernardo, Dominick (more italian-american), Enzo, and Giacomo. I lost. :( But I won some of them for middle names! That's a nice compromise because then you can call the baby by its middle name privately, sort of a personal pet-name. Our boys bear the exotic names of James and Caleb :) but their middle names feel special to me.

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  46. I say you are a VERY smart woman! Take care of yourself.

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  47. Helle aka GracieBJuly 29, 2010 at 8:48 PM

    Okay, I am going to side with you on the naming and here is why: my birth name is Helle Koustrup. No one guesses that I am an immigrant, my English and accent is perfect. However, it is a difficult name to pronounce and I have been called "hel-la" by Americans as I did not want to be called "hel-ly". And I am online as Gracie because now my last name is Berry and Helle Berry has also caused me grief! Talk Joe into an American name, please!

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  48. Congrats! I'm glad you thought of pronunciation. My parents gave me and my sister Swedish names. I ended up with one that is pronounced differently in American English than Swedish so I constantly have to correct people and it drives me batty. Not all uncommon names are bad, though. My sister ended up with a nice easy to pronounce Swedish name that she amusingly shares with a brand of water filters.

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  49. I think you handled it just fine! Sounds like a good compromise.

    I've had 5 kids....and each time we did the gender things differently. The 4th time around? I wanted to know really badly, but my husband did not.

    I had the tech tell me and I kept it a secret to myself the entire pregnancy! Not behind his back...he knew I knew, everyone knew i knew....but I kept it to myself so that my husband would not!

    I will admit, it was actually kind of fun. He was sure by the end of the pregnancy that we were having a boy...he claimed he could tell by my demeanor and the like. But I knew we were having a girl and it was a lot of fun to see the surprise on his face that day!

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  50. Cute post! I like it. After going through labor the surprise is pretty darn sweet!

    The name Jill, Jillian, Jilly… that's always cute ;)

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  51. Ran across this article about what NOT to name your baby. There are some other baby name links in it.

    http://www.lemondrop.com/2010/07/23/unique-baby-names-don-t-s/

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  52. This is very smart indeed! I like the idea of tradition, but I agree that Giuseppe is a complicated name (I'm French Canadian). There are so many names to choose from. I look forward to seeing what you will choose!

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  53. I love it. My husband wanted to name our first born son, ready? Togwotee Bodean. Yeah, he told me it would grow on me. Thank goodness he changed his mind years later when after our daughters we finally had a son.

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  54. It sounds like a reasonable compromise though I like the name Giuseppe (I even knew how to pronounce it!)

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  55. I told my husband that when he was able to push a baby out of his vagina that he could name it whatever he wanted. Until then I hold the final veto on all presented names.

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  56. I am a sensitive menopausal woman with crazy emotions......
    and I agree with you 100%...smiles.

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  57. That made me smile! I think that's a good compromise. I too didn't find out the sex of my babies, the biggest bummer being I couldn't knit gender appropriate cute stuff ( I'm not fond of uni-sex!) Suffice to say, they both have a lot of knitted toys!
    Have a happy, healthy, hormonal pregnancy!x

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  58. you poor woman! my husband has resigned himself to the fact that we will find out the sex and i will pretty much decide all names. though i am inclined toward family tradition names. but no one is forcing first names on me. additionally, i obsess over things (and plan!) and i REALLY want a boy first, and if it's not, well, a girl is swell but the last thing i want at delivery is.. "it's a girl!" and to have my face fall. not a good way to start that baby's life, ya know?

    totally on your side. i support your pregnancy emotions!

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  59. First of all, You are beautiful, here's some chocolate. Is it safe to stick my head out yet? ;-) If you are like me, around the 4-5 month mark, You will "know" in your "knower" what it is. Then you won't have to worry any more! Our last child (second twin)was nameless for 24 hrs. We couldn't find out the gender at the hospital we were at and I wasn't coming up with four names!I had one boy's name and one girl's name. We had two boys.

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  60. Not knowing your child's gender is a little bit like a surprise birthday present. You know something will arrive, but you do not know what exactly it will be. We did not know whether our little bump would be boy or girl. People started guessing from the shape and the size of my tummy and.....they were all wrong.

    And then the name question. My husband and me had quickly agreed on a name for a boy, but could not come up with a girl's name we both liked. Husband liked names like Siobhan and Sinead. You need to know, we are a British/German couple, currently living in Germany, but with family ties to France. This poor girl would have had to explain and spell her name all her life. My criteria was it had to be a name that would be easily recognizable in ANY language spoken in Europe.... but as mentioned before, we could not agree.

    The midwife's first words when our little one was born were "You have got a problem, you need to agree on a name". It took us 48 hours, but now we are very happy with our Kathrin.

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  61. I'm coming into this conversation a little late, but I want to offer my for-what-it's-worth. I have no kids. My closest friends have five, and they gave four of them what I consider to be odd names. When the kids were infants, I winced at the names. But now I can't imagine those children having any other name -- they are totally suitable. The kids just grew into them, and I can't imagine them with any other name! Hope this helps!

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  62. that's quite possibly the single best reason i've heard for not finding out baby's gender in utero. You got the better end of that deal, for sure!

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